finding a voice

henry

It's been awhile. I often do a lot of processing in silence and the last few weeks have been tough.  On Friday, it was suggested with Henry's best interests in mind (and I am thankful for it) that we possibly find a smaller school environment for him.  Everyone wants the best for him, but often we find that finding the best also comes at a premium.

Do you ever have days when every bit of information you receive is part of a larger message?  Yesterday was one of those days.  It was all about the meaning of ones life.  I was doing a lot of cleaning while Henry was at preschool and reread sections from a book a friend sent me recently about children with special needs.

The section that struck me the most was the part about the family and the positive impact for siblings of dealing with different needs for their development as human beings.

parker

I'm kind of a documentary nut and my husband had put "A Human Experience" on our Netflix instant queue.  There were a ton of accolades on the cover so I decided to watch it.  Pete was away and the kids were in bed.  Two hours later, crying and transfixed and so impressed with these two young brothers, I was left to think about the meaning of my life.

I've always thought about it as have most of us.  Why am I here and what am I meant to do?  These brothers, who were abused by their father and went to live in a halfway house, start a experiential journey by first living on the streets of New York as if they were homeless.  The second leg of their journey is the one that most affected me.  They traveled with a man who started a charity called "Surf for the Cause" because when asked by his brother what he wanted to do with his life he said "surf and help people".  So, these brothers travel with this organization to Peru to a hospital dedicated to helping children abandoned by their parents because of their disabilities.

The amazing part of this section of the documentary is not the fact these men are there to help or the dedication of the staff but the joy of the children.  There are scenes of a little girl with no ability to move her legs scooting with a huge smile on her face and a little boy who has only a left leg and happy as could be.  It is also amazing to hear the experts (featured in black and white) discussing the meaning of life based on this documentary.  There is a portion where the staff talks about how meaningful it is to them to take care of these children and then one of the "experts" starts to talk about Western society and how we derive meaning.

Her analysis is this:  we lose much in western society because we define ourselves by what we have, where we live and what we do.  She says in poorer or "Third World" societies, they have to define themselves by how they help the ones they love because the circumstances are much more dire.  Children in those societies come to think of their meaning as how they help their families, how they contribute, what they do to help the family unit because it is so integral to their survival.  The expert's commentary was we lose much as a western society because we do not view this as an integral portion of our meaning in life.

thomas

I believe it was another expert who said that those who help children with multiple needs derive their meaning from doing so.  I couldn't agree more.  I look at myself and I think I'm defined by the fact that I care, advocate, love Henry.

Ok- enough of the tough week talk- today the boys put on a play because I brought the costumes upstairs from the basement.  Thomas was the first to leap into the pile of costumes.  He kept the same superhero outfit on and only changed his masks.  He started putting on a play and then Parker desperately looked for his costume.  Parker is far less decisive and he needed a good amount of time to find the "right" costume.  His changes were from pirate to pilot to swamp monster to ninja to cowboy and I think he ended up with something that was combination pilot and superhero.  Henry was eager to put on a pirate costume and then Thomas found the Elmo costume.  He wore this for about an hour and chased around the other boys.  Thomas discarded the Darth Vader mask so for awhile, Henry was a Darth Vader Elmo.  Parker told Thomas to make Henry his minion.

See I end on a positive note....  that's the way we all need to end our day.  Despite the crap and the tears and sorrow, I always think, well it will get better.  I'm never wrong.

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